


The Zimmermann Telegram

by TurnaboutPersona



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Female Mexico - Freeform, Historical Hetalia, Mexican Civil War, The Zimmermann Telegram, World War I
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-10
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:15:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27999594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TurnaboutPersona/pseuds/TurnaboutPersona
Summary: Mexico receives a message from Germany.
Kudos: 9





	The Zimmermann Telegram

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I wrote closely to what actually happened but it shouldn't be considered historically accurate. There might be some inaccuracies.

It was World War I, or the Great War as it was called at the time. After a certain series of events, Germany ended up going to war with, well, the whole world basically. At least he had some allies to help him in the war effort. But lately this war has taken its toll on the country. What is even more unfortunate, Germany heard that America might join the Allies, if that happens Germany would be screwed.

So what was he to do? He can’t convince America to help him; despite being neutral he’s already aiding France and England. He’s going to have to distract America somehow.

And what’s more distracting than a war! Yes, he’s going to distract the United States by having him fight with another country in the Americas. So who should it be?

Mexico.

Definitely her. She and America have never had a good relationship with each other since he took her land, and it’s especially tense now. But wait, she’s going through a civil war right now, he’s really going to have to sweeten the deal if he’s going to be able to get her on board with him. He knows he’s taking a gamble, but he might as well try his luck.

So Germany sent Mexico the Zimmermann Telegram.

~*~

Mexico was currently bedridden, her body is full of aches and pains, civil wars really suck balls. At least when fighting in a war she could have the freedom to move, but with a  _ civil _ war her body was literally fighting itself. It also wasn’t helping that America was really on her ass lately. America can suck balls too.

At least her friend, England is paying her a visit to ease her condition, even if his food is probably making her health worse.

“You didn’t have to come all this way for little ol’ me.” Mexico said.

“It really is no trouble,” England said with a small smile on his face, “What are friends for, am I right?”

England chuckled, but then his face fell as he sighed. “Well, I best be off.” he said, reluctantly making his way to the door. He didn’t want to go back to fighting but Germany is being an ass and his boss would kill him if he stayed longer than he needed to be. Just get the shipment of oil from Mexico and deliver it back to England, that’s all he has to do.

As he opened the door to leave someone else was already on the other side, hand outstretched about to knock.

“Ah, sorry Señor.” said the newcomer, “I have a message for Señorita Mexico.”

England gestured for the messenger to come in and he, himself, went to take a seat at the end of Mexico’s bed. Why not see what this message is about, thought England while the messenger handed Mexico the telegram, it would be a good excuse to stay for a little while longer.

“So what is the letter all about?” England asked.

“Maybe it’s a love letter.” Mexico replied, feigning a blush.

England chuckled at her preposterous joke. A love letter? During this dark time? A small part of him hoped that the letter had some good news, the world had become so dreary.

Mexico opened the letter and began reading it, “Apparently this is from Germany.”

“GERMANY?!” he exclaimed, “Why would Germany be giving you a love letter?!”

Mexico gasped, “Maybe he’s sending me a declaration of love as his dying wish. Oh, Germany~!” she lamented, wiping away a nonexistent tear.

“Bollocks!”, England shouted, “Miss Mexico please spare me the jokes and tell me what Germany wants.”

Mexico furrowed her brows, “Well I actually don’t know. This message seems to be encrypted.” She hands the letter to England so he can see for himself.

England made a little hum as he analysed it. Germany sending a message to Mexico now of all times? Maybe he might just be asking for more supplies, Mexico is currently neutral and supplying both England and Germany. But maybe he’s asking for more than that.

Great, now he isn’t feeling well anymore.

“Mexico, how about I bring this back with me to decode? Once I do, I’ll tell you what it says.” asked England.

“That’s fine by me.” said Mexico.

“Alright then, well, you must be tired now so I’ll leave you to rest.” England said, making his way to the door. As he left, Mexico turned her attention to the messenger, who was still in the room.

“You may take your leave now, I have no further business.” she said. The messenger did as he was ordered and left the room. After the door closed, Mexico let out a groan.

“Augh, I thought they’d never leave.” Mexico said. She carefully took the blankets off her, mindful of the pain in her muscles. “Those disgusting scones, I gotta go to the bathroom crazy bad.”

Despite her careful movements, her haste triggered a shot of pain though her body.

“ARGH! MY BACK!”

~*~

America and the Allied Powers had been called for an emergency meeting, to discuss the contents of the Zimmermann Telegram.

“If she wants to go to war against me, then she can go suck my balls!”

“America, watch your bloody language!” England chastised, “She hasn’t made up her mind yet and in the end the decision is up to her boss.”

“Mon Dieu, we can’t let this war spread to the Americas.” France lamented, “That would mean the whole world would be engulfed into war.”

“NO! THAT WOULD SUCK!” cried Italy.

Japan raised his hand to speak, “If Mexico decides to ally with Germany, rest assured, I will not go with her.”

“Well I doubt she would go right to fighting someone else while going through a civil war.” said England.

“How would you know she wouldn’t?” America asked in agitation.

“Because she isn’t stupid!” retorted England. “Anyway, I already sent the telegram back to her so all that’s left to do is to continue fighting while we wait for her answer.”

America shot up from his seat, “What? Why would you do that? She’s definitely going to ally with Germany!”

“She had a right to know and I gave her my word.” defended England.

“If you’re so sure about it England, I guess this meeting is adjourned.” said France.

~*~

_ Mexico _

_ I request your aid in my war effort. I know you are in a civil war but if you can distract America for me I will gladly reward your efforts by taking back the land that America stole from you. Also can you find a way to convince Japan to switch sides? Maybe tell him that I am cool. Actually nevermind. That would sound desperate. But please try and convince Japan. _

_ Signed Germany. _

Mexico read the telegram that England decoded for her and she doesn’t know what to make of it. She told England that she would think about the offer.

On one hand, it would be nice to get her land back. But on the other hand, she is in no shape to help Germany. Even if she was, she begrudgingly admits that America’s army was stronger than hers, there’s no way she would be able to win.

With a heavy sigh, she wrote a message to both England and Germany that she would remain neutral.

~*~

After reading Mexico’s letter of neutrality, England breathed a sigh of relief. America also read her letter and was being smug about it.

“HA, I knew she wouldn’t ally with Germany, she can never beat me!” said America, who proceeded to laugh obnoxiously.

“Oh, bugger off.” England grumbled.

~*~

After reading Mexico’s letter of neutrality, Germany had one thing to say.

“Scheisse.”

**Author's Note:**

> Edit: I forgot to put in facts.  
> -So during WW1, Mexico was going though a civil war. And during that time the Americans invading Veracruz. Before all that happened though, America kept intervening Mexico's affairs.  
> -So the Zimmermann Telegram was about Germany proposing that Mexico would become their ally in the war, and it included asking Japan to switch sides.  
> -Obviously America wasn't happy with this information, especially since America was pretty antiMexico at that time.  
> -Mexico decided to stay neutral cause America was too strong, Mexico was too weak, Germany's offer was unreliable, and the land America stole(Texas, New Mexico, Arizona) was already occupied by English speaking civilians so changing their nationality back to Mexico would be a huge mess.  
> -Reading about Mexico's relation to Britain was pretty interesting. Britain was the first European country to acknowledge Mexico's independence, and convinced the rest of Europe to do the same. And after Mexico established a trading relationship with America, Britain was quick to establish relations as well. So I assumed Mexico was friends with England during this time period.


End file.
